I can't forget about it. I wanna try to... but I can't stop thinking about it, it looks awful.
[He hated it and it made him feel more self-conscious than he already was down there. He does relax more at the kiss, he felt better at least the sad expression softening. The kiss left a lingering warm spot on his head. Dodger always knows how to make him feel better and that was Jason's downfall.]
I'm always chilly.
[He moves to gently grab onto Dodger's sleeves the warmth seeping through and he sighs.]
You're always so warm... sometimes I forget it can be dangerous.
[Dodger won't get away from this without doing something, but Jason just can't push him away, or scream. He's mad but Dodger made him feel good and he truly did love him. It was easy to take advantage of but he's trying his best not to just forgive him so easily.]
[He lets out another quiet laugh, and tips Jason's head up to press their lips together. His hands slip down around Jason's waist, pulling him closer.]
Relax, I'm not gonna hurt you. [His expression sobers a bit; he's said that a lot, lately, to people that he absolutely hurt.] You trust me, right?
[He doesn't kiss back for the first fraction of a second but he can't help himself leaning close to him. He tenses as Dodger's hand wanders but when it doesn't do anything bad he relaxes instantly.]
I know... I trust you.
[He wants to, and he does even if it's against his better judgment. He's just a bit skittish at the moment.]
Well, I don't. I just- look, we already covered this, I fucked up and I can't go back and fix it, so can we just... drop it?
[He lets go of Jason while he's speaking, mostly so that he can gesture while he speaks. But also because he's frustrated, and he knows better than to stay close when his temper could flare up his temperature.]
That doesn't tell me the reason why you fucked up, as soon as we started you stopped looking interested in me.
[Dodger seemed uninterested in him and then mutilated him, how could he not think about it? if it was something he did or what was going through Dodger's mind. He tried something new and all that happened was pain. He looked like he was about to cry.
As Dodger jestures, he takes a step back his heart racing.]
If you didn't wanna talk about it why are you here, I can't just forgive you for trying to burn my dick off.
[Trying to and almost succeeding. He's getting angrier and sadder at the same time.]
I wasn't trying to, it just- happened. I was just-
[There's a bit more heat than he'd like coming off of his hands, and he struggles to hold the fire back.]
I was thinking about shit and it- I just slipped. Look, why does it matter? You're still alive, aren't you? And you've still got a cock, so why is it such a big fucking deal?
Yeah I'm alive NO thanks to you! you fucking kicked me out It's a big fucking deal because it makes me feel that you don't even fuckin care! You just want me to sweep it under the rug and forget 'bout it, how can I forget when it's there forever!
[He's fuming. Dodger's just fucked up more after how nice it was going. He just wants his feelings validated.]
We didn't even cover anything, I want to forget it, I do... but it feels like you don't care that, That-
[His breath hitches, he was not going to cry, he's pissed and he just needs a second to gain any form of composure before something stupid happens or he just breaks down. ]
You know that already makes me hate myself, but you've just made it worse and it feels like it's my fault, but I didn't do anything.
[He takes another step back, a little bemused by Jason. His own temper can't keep up with the confusion of this blowing up this badly. He isn't sure that he and Jason had ever established a serious relationship, and here he is questioning if Dodger cares about him...
Dodger isn't even share if he cares about him. He certainly has the sense not to point it out.]
I needed to think, I needed- to get away, but you were in my space and I just- look, it was stupid, and I've been stupid, and I tried to fucking kill someone because I didn't know what to do about you, and it- look, I don't know what the fuck you want from me! I'm trying to apologize, how the fuck am I supposed to do that if you just keep bitching at me?
[Jason was getting pretty damn cold. He was starting to freeze over, The air around him deathly cold even for him, he flickers and there's ice on the ground, on his skin and a few tears frozen at the corner of his eyes. He's starting to panic, he's angry and sad and confused. There's to many emotions going on that he can handle at the moment.
Dodger blames him for ruining his apology and he tenses for a moment before he moves to give him a slap. A slap with his strength was pretty useless but he doesn't know how else to convey that Dodger's being a huge asshole.]
But you haven't said sorry once! how are you even trying to apologize? by telling me to get over it?
[He tenses up, when Jason slaps him, and for a moment every fiber of his body pushes for grabbing his wrist and burning it through to the bone. Instead he digs his nails into his palm hard enough to draw blood, and takes another step back from him. The cold barely affects him, his own skin starting to glow with heat even if he can keep the actual flames under the surface.]
I've been saying it, dumbass, I said I fucked up! You should be lucky I'm here at all, I didn't have to come back!
[Somewhere in there, he knows this isn't helping, but he can't help but be frustrated. He shouldn't have come here, he should have just left Jason to drown and moved on with his life, and why should he have to put more effort in than showing up and being kinder?]
[He regrets slapping him honestly, it just kinda happened. He is shivering from his own body temperature the heat radiating off of Dodger doesn't penetrate him at all. He flickers and takes a shuttering breath.]
Saying you fucked up isn't saying sorry.
[He's pissed, but he's losing the battle, the anger less in his voice and more despair.]
I missed you, but now you're... acting like I'm just an inconvenience and my feelings don't mean anything to you.
[He grabs onto himself in a semi comforting grip. This wasn't going well, they were both angry and stressed out. All Jason wanted was a proper apology, but now he's conflicted with the idea that it was his fault.]
You already make fun of me for not being a proper man because I can't handle... doing stuff with girls, and my size, and now you've made it worse. Feel's like some sick fucking joke.
Stop fucking yelling at me, you ungrateful fucking asshole!
[The fire does flare up now, rippling across his skin despite his best efforts to keep it contained. He moves closer and grabs Jason by the front of his shirt - for a second the world falls away in sparks, and there's that familiar feeling of steel bars around his ribs as Dodger teleports him. A moment later the world reasserts itself, and Dodger slams him backward into the wall.]
Do you want me to fucking burn you again? Is that what it takes for you to shut up long enough to let me speak?
[Jason wasn't yelling at all, He looks terrified, but there's an underlying defeat as he doesn't struggle at first. The lurching feeling of teleporting comes and the breath is knocked out of him as he cries out, he makes contact with the wall and there's a large patch of ice forms almost instantly, he's going haywire as well.
He just trembles, out of fear and cold he looks past Dodger as he takes painful breaths trying to regain it.]
N-no.
[He doesn't attack or say anything more, he just accepts that Dodger will beat the shit out of him.]
[For a few more moments, that look is back that seems to enter Dodger's eyes when he's working. A look of deadly calm, and lethal curiosity. But Jason isn't prey, and the sight of him in fear makes something spring up that Dodger isn't even familiar with. It feels a bit like the urge to throw up.
It's just like Theon. He can't stand the fear in those eyes, even if it excites him to no end coming from anyone else. He freezes for a moment, before throwing a punch that scorches the wall just beside Jason's head.
Another moment of silence, and the fire seems to leave him entirely. The cold from Jason's body finally affects him and he begins shivering lightly, as he leans closer and presses his forehead to Jason's shoulder.]
[Dodger switched into how he looks when he's working, but Jason's looked defeated accepting his fate, to be beaten into submission like he was for most of his painful life. He had accepted the idea of death at the moment, to be taken out by the man who convinced him to actually live.
The punch hits next to him and he barely reacts, just a small blast of heat melting the ice behind him and what's collected in his hair. Snapping him a bit out of his shut down state.
When Dodger's head presses against him he was confused, his head moving to rest gently against it. He's silent not having anything to say, he's confused about Dodger's actions greatly.]
[Dodger is still shivering, his body reaching a human temperature for once. Slowly he sinks down to his knees, pressing his head to Jason's stomach in a sign of submission and subservience.]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you.
[He just wants Jason to pet him and tell him it's alright. But something tells him it will be like Theon, and he will be told to leave and he won't have the balls to force himself forward.]
[Jason doesn't understand, he genuinely thought he was gonna get the shit beaten out of him. Dodger sinks down and he is trying his best to essentially defrost but it's not working well.]
That's all I wanted.
[He mumbles it quietly his hand reaching down to gently touch Dodger's head. He sinks down to be at the same level, no need for submission or anything like that he wraps his arms around Dodger holding onto him tightly. He doesn't want him to leave.]
[He's caught a bit off-guard by the affection; he hadn't really expected that to do anything for his case, but he guesses he finally cracked the puzzle. A moment of hesitation, before his hands wander up to hug Jason back, and he lets out a deep and shaky breath.
He still doesn't really know where they stand, but the whole situation reminds him painfully of arguments with Janet. He really wishes he could get some space, but he can't just leave now.]
[He cuddles into him a bit, just taking the moment to sit here silently. Dodger's hands touch his back and he doesn't tenses up this time letting out a small sigh.]
I'll... be alright.
[He wasn't right now but that doesn't mean it's not gonna happen soon. He just has a lot to process thinking about things he wants to ask, or if he should.]
Do I... mean anything to you?
[The voice didn't seem like a demand, just a small question he's been thinking about. Maybe he was the one thinking that their relationship was more, Dodger had made it seem that it was but he's starting to think differently now. He just wants to know it'll hurt if he was nothing more then a fuck around. He may be overthinking it, but at least it was a valid question./small>]
[That's a hard question, but all of this is hard. Too hard to be worth it, but Jason is the only connection Dodger has to his own universe and damned if that isn't important to him. He doesn't know what Jason's worth to him, all he knows is that losing him drove him up the fucking wall.]
Who is John Galt.
[His default response, when explaining was too difficult or tedious. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, as if he's explaining away bloody clothing or puking up a chunk of flesh.]
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[He hated it and it made him feel more self-conscious than he already was down there. He does relax more at the kiss, he felt better at least the sad expression softening. The kiss left a lingering warm spot on his head. Dodger always knows how to make him feel better and that was Jason's downfall.]
I'm always chilly.
[He moves to gently grab onto Dodger's sleeves the warmth seeping through and he sighs.]
You're always so warm... sometimes I forget it can be dangerous.
[Dodger won't get away from this without doing something, but Jason just can't push him away, or scream. He's mad but Dodger made him feel good and he truly did love him. It was easy to take advantage of but he's trying his best not to just forgive him so easily.]
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Relax, I'm not gonna hurt you. [His expression sobers a bit; he's said that a lot, lately, to people that he absolutely hurt.] You trust me, right?
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I know... I trust you.
[He wants to, and he does even if it's against his better judgment. He's just a bit skittish at the moment.]
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What's up? You're acting.. tense.
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I dunno... I just.
[He lets out a small sigh.]
Why did you make me leave? It felt like you were throwing me away, like some toy you broke and was bored of.
[He hasn't gotten an apology or a reason why it happened, there are scenarios running through his head that he can't put to rest.]
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Do you really want to talk about that? I thought we were gonna forget it.
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[He'd rather forget about it and normally does, this is just an itch in the back of his brain that he can't get rid of.]
I never agreed to just forget it.
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[He lets go of Jason while he's speaking, mostly so that he can gesture while he speaks. But also because he's frustrated, and he knows better than to stay close when his temper could flare up his temperature.]
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[Dodger seemed uninterested in him and then mutilated him, how could he not think about it? if it was something he did or what was going through Dodger's mind. He tried something new and all that happened was pain. He looked like he was about to cry.
As Dodger jestures, he takes a step back his heart racing.]
If you didn't wanna talk about it why are you here, I can't just forgive you for trying to burn my dick off.
[Trying to and almost succeeding. He's getting angrier and sadder at the same time.]
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[There's a bit more heat than he'd like coming off of his hands, and he struggles to hold the fire back.]
I was thinking about shit and it- I just slipped. Look, why does it matter? You're still alive, aren't you? And you've still got a cock, so why is it such a big fucking deal?
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[He's fuming. Dodger's just fucked up more after how nice it was going. He just wants his feelings validated.]
We didn't even cover anything, I want to forget it, I do... but it feels like you don't care that, That-
[His breath hitches, he was not going to cry, he's pissed and he just needs a second to gain any form of composure before something stupid happens or he just breaks down. ]
You know that already makes me hate myself, but you've just made it worse and it feels like it's my fault, but I didn't do anything.
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Dodger isn't even share if he cares about him. He certainly has the sense not to point it out.]
I needed to think, I needed- to get away, but you were in my space and I just- look, it was stupid, and I've been stupid, and I tried to fucking kill someone because I didn't know what to do about you, and it- look, I don't know what the fuck you want from me! I'm trying to apologize, how the fuck am I supposed to do that if you just keep bitching at me?
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Dodger blames him for ruining his apology and he tenses for a moment before he moves to give him a slap. A slap with his strength was pretty useless but he doesn't know how else to convey that Dodger's being a huge asshole.]
But you haven't said sorry once! how are you even trying to apologize? by telling me to get over it?
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I've been saying it, dumbass, I said I fucked up! You should be lucky I'm here at all, I didn't have to come back!
[Somewhere in there, he knows this isn't helping, but he can't help but be frustrated. He shouldn't have come here, he should have just left Jason to drown and moved on with his life, and why should he have to put more effort in than showing up and being kinder?]
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Saying you fucked up isn't saying sorry.
[He's pissed, but he's losing the battle, the anger less in his voice and more despair.]
I missed you, but now you're... acting like I'm just an inconvenience and my feelings don't mean anything to you.
[He grabs onto himself in a semi comforting grip. This wasn't going well, they were both angry and stressed out. All Jason wanted was a proper apology, but now he's conflicted with the idea that it was his fault.]
You already make fun of me for not being a proper man because I can't handle... doing stuff with girls, and my size, and now you've made it worse. Feel's like some sick fucking joke.
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[The fire does flare up now, rippling across his skin despite his best efforts to keep it contained. He moves closer and grabs Jason by the front of his shirt - for a second the world falls away in sparks, and there's that familiar feeling of steel bars around his ribs as Dodger teleports him. A moment later the world reasserts itself, and Dodger slams him backward into the wall.]
Do you want me to fucking burn you again? Is that what it takes for you to shut up long enough to let me speak?
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He just trembles, out of fear and cold he looks past Dodger as he takes painful breaths trying to regain it.]
N-no.
[He doesn't attack or say anything more, he just accepts that Dodger will beat the shit out of him.]
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It's just like Theon. He can't stand the fear in those eyes, even if it excites him to no end coming from anyone else. He freezes for a moment, before throwing a punch that scorches the wall just beside Jason's head.
Another moment of silence, and the fire seems to leave him entirely. The cold from Jason's body finally affects him and he begins shivering lightly, as he leans closer and presses his forehead to Jason's shoulder.]
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The punch hits next to him and he barely reacts, just a small blast of heat melting the ice behind him and what's collected in his hair. Snapping him a bit out of his shut down state.
When Dodger's head presses against him he was confused, his head moving to rest gently against it. He's silent not having anything to say, he's confused about Dodger's actions greatly.]
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I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you.
[He just wants Jason to pet him and tell him it's alright. But something tells him it will be like Theon, and he will be told to leave and he won't have the balls to force himself forward.]
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That's all I wanted.
[He mumbles it quietly his hand reaching down to gently touch Dodger's head. He sinks down to be at the same level, no need for submission or anything like that he wraps his arms around Dodger holding onto him tightly. He doesn't want him to leave.]
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He still doesn't really know where they stand, but the whole situation reminds him painfully of arguments with Janet. He really wishes he could get some space, but he can't just leave now.]
You alright?
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I'll... be alright.
[He wasn't right now but that doesn't mean it's not gonna happen soon. He just has a lot to process thinking about things he wants to ask, or if he should.]
Do I... mean anything to you?
[The voice didn't seem like a demand, just a small question he's been thinking about. Maybe he was the one thinking that their relationship was more, Dodger had made it seem that it was but he's starting to think differently now. He just wants to know it'll hurt if he was nothing more then a fuck around. He may be overthinking it, but at least it was a valid question./small>]
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Who is John Galt.
[His default response, when explaining was too difficult or tedious. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, as if he's explaining away bloody clothing or puking up a chunk of flesh.]
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Thanks for coming over.
[He doesn't have more to ask, he just wants to be close to Dodger and work on getting past what happened.]
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