[It wasn't much time to really sort of his jumbled thoughts but soon Dodger was there on the couch with him. He was visibly tense taking the cigarette. He kinda regrets his decision to do it in person.]
It's goin I guess... haven't seen you in a while.
[He takes a puff of cigarette lingering the taste.]
[His heart sinks, but all of his emotions are one sided, he gives a small nod. He should be happier for him but he can't help but clench his hands on his thighs.]
Sounds nice, I'm glad you two are doing well.
[He doesn't look at him, he can't bring himself to.]
I guess that's a good idea. Sorry for making you come all the way to my place.
All this self pity is what makes it hard to hang around you, man.
[He's aware of the hypocrisy. But it's one of his sins, so of course it's no surprise. It takes a while longer for him to decide exactly what he wants to say.]
Think we're a long ways from being able to call each other 'boyfriends', huh? I mean fuck, shit hasn't felt right for... months. And none of this is working out.
[He takes another puff, setting his jaw for a moment.]
I wanna try... taking a step back, and just. Being friendly. Hanging out, trying to build things from the ground up and maybe... I don't know, maybe we can stop fighting.
[He didn't really have a way to figure out these emotions looking over at him as he speaks.]
I guess not huh, new place new start? There's a lot going on... I'd really like to try and be friends. We never really hung out besides sex and work.
[He takes a drag, his voice was tight but he really was trying he really wanted to make things better between the two of them and hopefully with Fran to.]
I don't really know what we fight about most of the time, so it would be nice to just, not.
Honestly? I don't know what we're fighting about either.
[He lets out a short, humorless laugh. He's still exhausted, it seems to show a little bit more on his face and frame every day.]
I guess I just... it makes me nervous. Seeing the way I hurt you, just by... being me. Sooner or later you're gonna get sick of waiting around for me to need you, and you'll... leave. And that's scary to think about. You're the only person that remembers Boston.
I know you have alot on your plate and alot of new people, I'm the outlier right now.
[He looks at him with a small smile.]
If I've put up with you for this long, I'm too stupid to leave now. Besides it's not like I'll be able to avoid seein that mug of yours, you seem popular... that must really be weighin on you.
Didn't spend much time around people, back home. Had a lot of alone time, to just... think. I've got my own room, y'know, away from Fran, but I don't use it. Always feels like I'm getting pushed into something or another.
[He glances at Jason, and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck.]
I think it's gonna be... good. Stepping back from everyone else, trying to focus on Francis. I don't think I can stay completely faithful to him, but... I don't know. I need an anchor. Something... better than what Augustine was. Fuck, does that make any sense?
[He just sits there and listens Dodger's been going through alot and it's apparent, he's different it looks like Dodger wasn't prepared for it.]
It does. Steppin back is gonna be good for you, and if Francis is the one that you think will help you the most you should focus on that, but gotta focus on yourself to. Don't hyper fixate on anything because you don't wanna acknowledge the shit in your head.
[He lets out a small sigh of a laugh.]
it's not like you to be tied down, if you were fully faithful I think you've been hypnotized or some funky mind shit.
[He smiles looking at him, he's really trying there's still a trace of sadness in his eyes but he really is happy that Dodger still wants to hang out, and that he's working on what he needs.]
Though... do you think I'll still be able to call you big bear?
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Re: --> action
[It wasn't much time to really sort of his jumbled thoughts but soon Dodger was there on the couch with him. He was visibly tense taking the cigarette. He kinda regrets his decision to do it in person.]
It's goin I guess... haven't seen you in a while.
[He takes a puff of cigarette lingering the taste.]
no subject
[He tries to think of the word for it, but he just settles for taking a puff and shaking his head.]
I've been talking to Francis about moving out of our suite. Picking someplace private, so it's... y'know. Just us. So it feels official and all.
[He chews his cheek a bit, and his gaze wanders around the room before it settles back on Jason.]
Figured it's about time we sorted out where we stand. Only fair, right?
no subject
Sounds nice, I'm glad you two are doing well.
[He doesn't look at him, he can't bring himself to.]
I guess that's a good idea. Sorry for making you come all the way to my place.
no subject
All this self pity is what makes it hard to hang around you, man.
[He's aware of the hypocrisy. But it's one of his sins, so of course it's no surprise. It takes a while longer for him to decide exactly what he wants to say.]
Think we're a long ways from being able to call each other 'boyfriends', huh? I mean fuck, shit hasn't felt right for... months. And none of this is working out.
[He takes another puff, setting his jaw for a moment.]
I wanna try... taking a step back, and just. Being friendly. Hanging out, trying to build things from the ground up and maybe... I don't know, maybe we can stop fighting.
no subject
[He didn't really have a way to figure out these emotions looking over at him as he speaks.]
I guess not huh, new place new start? There's a lot going on...
I'd really like to try and be friends. We never really hung out besides sex and work.
[He takes a drag, his voice was tight but he really was trying he really wanted to make things better between the two of them and hopefully with Fran to.]
I don't really know what we fight about most of the time, so it would be nice to just, not.
no subject
[He lets out a short, humorless laugh. He's still exhausted, it seems to show a little bit more on his face and frame every day.]
I guess I just... it makes me nervous. Seeing the way I hurt you, just by... being me. Sooner or later you're gonna get sick of waiting around for me to need you, and you'll... leave. And that's scary to think about. You're the only person that remembers Boston.
no subject
We really are a mess, aren't we?
[He finishes his cigarette and looks away.]
I know you have alot on your plate and alot of new people, I'm the outlier right now.
[He looks at him with a small smile.]
If I've put up with you for this long, I'm too stupid to leave now. Besides it's not like I'll be able to avoid seein that mug of yours, you seem popular... that must really be weighin on you.
no subject
Didn't spend much time around people, back home. Had a lot of alone time, to just... think. I've got my own room, y'know, away from Fran, but I don't use it. Always feels like I'm getting pushed into something or another.
[He glances at Jason, and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck.]
I think it's gonna be... good. Stepping back from everyone else, trying to focus on Francis. I don't think I can stay completely faithful to him, but... I don't know. I need an anchor. Something... better than what Augustine was. Fuck, does that make any sense?
no subject
It does. Steppin back is gonna be good for you, and if Francis is the one that you think will help you the most you should focus on that, but gotta focus on yourself to. Don't hyper fixate on anything because you don't wanna acknowledge the shit in your head.
[He lets out a small sigh of a laugh.]
it's not like you to be tied down, if you were fully faithful I think you've been hypnotized or some funky mind shit.
[He smiles looking at him, he's really trying there's still a trace of sadness in his eyes but he really is happy that Dodger still wants to hang out, and that he's working on what he needs.]
Though... do you think I'll still be able to call you big bear?